My biggest regrets are the things I never did

When most people consider regrets they think about things they did that they wish they hadn't.

I really don't have many regrets like that in my life. There are some things I wouldn't mind doing over, but there aren't too many things that I've done that I can say I regret doing.

For me, the biggest regrets are things that I could have done but didn't. Some of them were little things, others were bigger. A few of them were sexual, and that's what I wanted to post about.

When I was younger I thought I had it all figured out (didn't we all?). When I got older I realized how much I didn't have figured out. By the time I hit 40 I knew there were things I'd never figure out.

My life is easier now that I've realized how it really works. We don't control anyone but ourselves. Trying to control everyone else is dumb and thinking we can is foolish.

I've decided to focus on me (and those around me the best I can), and make the most of my life by enjoying what's left of it. That includes having great sex. I love sex so why not make it the best I can?

That includes doing things I may not once have considered. I look at it this way: when I was a 20-something prima donna I would have been horrified at the thought of having sex outside my marriage. Now I can't imagine living any other way.

What other pleasures might lie ahead, if I just give them a try? What else does life have to offer that I haven't tasted because I've been naive or judgmental or short-sighted? I don't know, but I have made the decision to find out more often.

For sure, that doesn't mean throwing caution to the wind and becoming the town whore who will do everything and everyone she can. No. I still have a family and friends and work and all of the other things you have to think about. I'm not going to be a gang-banging, cum-slut whore-dog. I'm not stupid.

But I am going to try and sample more and try more, when it comes to sex. After all, if I try something and like it then I can do it again. If I try something and don't like it then I can move on. I've promised myself that I won't see it as a regret but instead as a way of learning about myself. I don't want to think back to all of the things I could have tried but didn't. I think those would be the biggest regrets of all.

Last year I saw a guy who was into having sex in public places. He was always trying to get me to do something in an elevator or a parking garage or somewhere like that. That was never for me though, because I always had a fear of being caught. I like privacy. The thought of doing it someplace where someone could hear us or catch us made me feel uptight and too nervous to try it (it still does). Looking back though, I think I should have tried it at least once. It may have been exciting. To be sure I shouldn't have done it just to make him happy, but I should have done it just to try it for me. What's the worst that can happen? So what if someone caught us? They would have a story to tell and we would've zipped up fast and taken off.

I think I regret not doing that. That's not the kind of regret I want in my life. Next time something like that comes along I think I'll sample it.

Who knows? I might just like it.