What Is A Cuckold relationship?
The dictionary defines a cuckold as "a man with an unfaithful wife."
In the context of alternative lifestyles, the cuckold occupies a position somewhere between the traditional definition and that of "swingers." The difference with the first definition is that today's cuckold is both aware of his wife's "infidelity" and is sexually excited by it; the difference with the second definition is that "swingers" are mutually involved, or at least approach the sex bed together, which is not really the case with a cuckold.
In plain English, a cuckold is a man who supports and accepts his wife's infidelity, being sexually excited by her actions. He may have normal sexual relations with his wife part of the time, or in extreme cases he may accept that his wife has chosen another man to replace him completely in her sexual bed, although this is usually temporary in reality.
Why Would Someone Choose a Cuckold relationship?
Having read (and written) extensively on this, I have found the following themes. Any combination may exist to explain a specific couple's relationship.
Yes, as strange as it sounds jealousy is a turn-on for some men! It incites a primal, instinctive competitive urge that is inherent to the male mentality. In fact, it is probably one of their strongest instincts, though few men understand it. His very manliness is being threatened. After all, look what he has “lost”: his own wife's fidelity, and her treasured body... these have been given to another man! Personally, when I began to feel any jealousy, I feel very excited!
Apparently this primal drive is awakened and heightened at the thought of his wife being with another man. The more blatant the evidence, the stronger the feelings. While the idea of his wife with another can excite a man, the more evidence that he is exposed to (watching, feeling, hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting), the higher his resultant excitement. A woman that enjoys her role in this relationship is wise to incorporate all of these into their experiences to some extent, which heightens his excitement for her.
Though I think this is possibly secondary, there are not many opportunities in life to watch two people having sex. This is why home videos are so popular! But nothing can equal the real thing, live and in front of you... and so, inviting another man into your wife's bed will undoubtedly give you a front-row seat for the festivities. This experience also seems to provide a feeling of undeniability for the man, forcing him to face his wife’s infidelity, and stirring those inner emotions.
One cuckold explained his excitement as "caused by the duality of being both afraid and excited. Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac... maybe my body requires a certain amount of adrenaline, which can only be generated by fear."
In their patriarchal role, men have the benefit of being in control of their lives and their family. As a cuckold, this control is relinquished to some extent. A man is voluntarily giving up control of his wife and her actions. Indeed, this is done with her knowledge and agreement, so she is fully aware that she is “free” to do as she pleases. This can be a very frightening for someone who is normally in control.
What is there to fear? A man in this situation fears (and is turned on by) the thought of another man being a better lover for his wife; this potential “threat” is very powerful, and is often reflected in writings where the wifes new lover is characterized as an accomplished, virile, well hung lover, always one that the wife is strongly attracted to.
He can fear his wife’s reaction to finding a new lover, perhaps fearing that she may prefer her new lover to her husband, and withhold sex from him, or reserve intercourse for her new lover only, relegating the husband to other forms of physical release.
This is a common theme in many writings, where the wife refrains from intercourse with her husband before an upcoming sexual interlude (a date). The appearance of saving herself for her lover appears to contribute greatly to the experience for everyone involved. The husband and wife enjoy a sense of anticipation from this rite of denial, and the wife and her lover enjoy a more intense sexual experience as a result of her recent sexual chastity.
He can fear what his wife will become, or what she may do when she is “free” to do as she pleases. He fears what she will become, and how far she will go if he is not controlling her actions. Once more we see these fears manifested in stories of the wife becoming a total slut, abandoning her traditional values and continually expanding her sexual experiences.
The husband may at once fear losing his wife from her normal role, yet being excited by her willingness to constantly meet with her lover, or seek out additional men or even groups, as she becomes transformed into a truly sexual female that is “out of his control”.
A husband may also fear that his wife could become pregnant with another mans child. Once again, this fear that often runs in parallel with the fantasy of that same occurrence. The wife becoming pregnant is a common fantasy among many cuckold husbands, as it seems to both excite them and leave them filled with dread at the same time.
Or, he can just fear the unknown. Every person reacts differently to the lifestyle and there is no way to predict the outcome once a wife is allowed complete freedom to explore her sexuality without any control or interference from her husband. This in itself is a situation that many men struggle with, and there can be a genuine fear of the unknown for them.
Why Would A Wife try this?
In most cases it’s the husbands idea to explore this lifestyle. The wives usually consent to it in order to appease their husbands, at least in the beginning. Many men describe years of asking their wife to have sex with another man. Usually, the wife opposes this, for several reasons. First, it goes against everything that was promised in the marriage vows, and she cannot believe that it will do anything but damage or even ruin the marriage.
Second, it can be perceived as threatening to the wife, as she assumes it is a pretext for the husband to have sex with other women (if you both want to do that, have fun; you're back in the "swinger" category).
Third, many wives -- especially once they are out of their 20's and no longer look like Barbie -- worry that other men won’t find them attractive, and they do not want to set themselves up for disappointment.
So, why do wives say yes? While some do it simply because their marriage has become stale or boring, I believe that most begin just to satisfy their husband's insistent desire to try this. Note that I said “begin” as the reasons often change later. Also, if they had few sexual experiences before marriage, they may be curious as to what else is out there, especially if their sexual experiences have been somewhat tame.
Once the wife begins to see other men, it is another step -- and often, not an easy one -- to take on a regular lover. After all, she loves her husband! It is hard to believe that her husband really wants her to prefer her lover more, or at least to like sex with her lover more; it is even harder to believe that he really wants to hear about that from his wife.
Usually, this part begins very slowly, as the wife hesitatingly relates the pleasurable details of her tryst to her husband. She will probably notice his marked (!) reaction to what she says, and notice that the more explicit she is, and the more she talks about her pleasure, the more her hubby reacts. If her husband watches her in bed with her lover, she may be hesitant to display her pleasure in his presence. Which by the way is one reason that many women finally agree to meet their lover alone, as they can be completely uninhibited without their husband being in the room.
So, why go through all this? In many women’s words, "I can have my cake and eat it, too." What could be bad for a woman who realizes that her husband will do everything he can to make sure she has great sex with her lover, and will welcome her home with loving arms when she’s done!
Going back to the wife's initial worry that no other man could possibly find her attractive: imagine her surprise and delight when she realizes that other men are indeed interested in her! Seeing him hard, feeling him get excited as she undresses, as she touches him, as he touches her... brings her right back to those exciting high school days, but with an adult's understanding of what sex is all about. This does wonders for her self confidence!
Motivations for the Husband
"He's bigger than you"
In spite of all the ads in men's magazines, we haven't found a way to change what God gives us. Few women marry a man because of the size of his penis, but much has been written about how good it feels to many women to be "filled completely." So, wifey goes searching (or the well-meaning cuckold husband searches for her) for a man who can measure up and fill her more than her husband.
The fact that she is a willing participant, and that her lover can reach parts of her body that the husband can never touch, is a part of the excitement triggered most likely by the threat instincts. If she truly finds the experience to be physically fulfilling, her own enjoyment will excite her husband further. The wife’s enjoyment with a larger cock may manifest itself physically to a point where she is seeing another man, or men, on a regular basis. Hubby often feels challenged by the fact that there is no way he can offer her what her lover does. His urge to rise to this challenge can create intense physical responses, especially if he is exposed to constant stimuli such as her regular meetings, preparations for those meetings, and vivid descriptions of her intimate activities while away. He reacts by loving, lusting and doting over his wife in ways he hadn’t done in years. His desire for her is completely renewed.
"It’s better with him"
Why wifey would want this is obvious -- after 5, 10 or 20 years of marriage, it’s exciting to have sex with someone new! This excitement is sexually reinvigorating.
My wife's lover has a cock that is almost exactly my size. But she has been seeing him weekly since they met last summer, and she usually goes to him when she is horny and in need of sex. When I asked her to honestly tell me why she prefers to go to him, she told me that it is just more exciting with him because he is new and they are still learning each other bodies. Now, when she and I make love, she will often admit to me she wishes it was him inside her, instead of me. I would normally find this disturbing, if I wasn't so busy cumming!
"Don't Touch Me"
I sometimes hear of husbands fucking their wives before she heads out on a "date." But most couples in the cuckold relationship hardly ever touch their wives before a "date," unless it is to help dress her or help get her ready! And, of course, this makes sense; why would she want to ruin the mood, or take the edge off her anticipation? Several days before a "date," they usually cease having intercourse; in her words, "I'm saving it for him." This buildup is critical to an exciting date for everyone.
In more extreme cases, where the wife has replaced her husband with another man (or men), her pussy may simply be off limits to her husband at all times. In these cases, she will simply use other means to keep her husband satisfied while sharing with him all the details of her encounters, which by themselves are capable of triggering spontaneous orgasm!
"I Want to Have His Baby"
I tend to believe that the vast majority of cuckold stories in which the lover impregnates the wife are fictional. After all, the couple will have to live with that decision for the rest of their lives. So this is one area where everyone seems to agree that fantasy and reality best remain separate. But certainly, if a man is excited about his wife surrendering sexually to another man, then her becoming pregnant as a result of her willful cheating is the ultimate act of defiance and would be incredibly intense… exciting him beyond words! Men that enjoy that aspect of the lifestyle find their peak arousal from the thoughts of their fertile wife being filled with copious amounts of sperm from her virile lover, and returning home to their bed as a pregnant mother-to-be. A wife can use this fantasy to her advantage, teasing her husband with this possibility
Watching Or Waiting?
There is a lot of debate about which is more erotic: watching your wife in bed with another man, or waiting at home (or anywhere) while she goes off with him, or goes to meet him.
Seeing sex happen in front of you, and realizing throughout the evening that the woman you see in the throes of passion is your own wife, is breathtaking. Even when you engage in sex, you don't get to witness it; seeing a man's penis slide in and out of a vagina is stimulating enough to most men, but when it is your own wife's vagina, it is overwhelming. And watching (and hearing) orgasms... the same thing, in spades!
On the other hand, if the mind is the most powerful sex organ, there is much to be said for the cuckold who sits at home and waits for her, wondering what his wife and her lover are doing at any given moment. His imagination works wonders with his libido in her absence.
Some men have been known to drive their wife to the home of another, or to a hotel, and wait in the car for them to finish. Others prefer to be within hearing distance only, as they listen to the sounds of their wife in the throes of passion, together with the sounds of her lover as he reaches his peak with her. For these men, the sounds of silence are every bit as exciting as the sounds of sex, as they find themselves wondering what is happening at that moment.
This is a most frequent theme in most men’s fantasy. Whether it is seeing, feeling or (for some) tasting another man's semen in your wife's vagina, the creampie is #1 on the hit parade. Why is that? I believe it is a combination of many male taboo’s rolled into one:
Ejaculating inside a woman is a strong symbol of possession. Seeing another man's semen in your wife's most intimate place is a clear signal that you do not “possess” her... and that she has willingly granted possession of her treasure to another. This certainly triggers the call to a challenge in men.
If there is any undeniable proof that your wife was unfaithful, it is the feel, smell and sight of semen in her vagina after being away with another. The only way for that semen to get in your wife was for her to offer herself to that man and allow him to reach an orgasm inside her.
A creampie says, "Not only did she cheat on you, but she did not do so half heartedly. She willingly committed the act to its natural completion." For all these reasons, most cuckolds find creampies to be among their most powerful fantasies, and when realized they are the culmination of their most erotic fantasies.
First of all, the couple had better have a strong, positive, open relationship. You are going to be playing for real here. Both of you have to be able to say what you are feeling, and be able to "bail out" at any point that it becomes unworkable.
Sex is powerful; there's a reason advertisers use it! You cannot expect your wife to have sex with someone and not develop some sort of feelings for him. In fact, cuckold relationships are even more titillating and dangerous in this regard because the ultimate fantasy is that she will like her lover more than him! So, take it step by step.
"What are our limits?" is a question that should be asked and asked again. Since you both love each other, and you are doing this to explore a new experience together, then you should both be concerned for how the other is handling it, and whether the latest step is over the line.
Women, there is a nearly-foolproof way to tell what he thinks: it's called the Peter Meter! If you talk about actually meeting a man for the first time, or about going away with him for a weekend (or any other idea you are contemplating) your husband's cock will tell you whether this is A Very Good Idea, or if you’re moving too fast!
Remember, especially, that once the wife has a lover, he does not "go away" like turning off a VCR. He is real, and his presence in your lives is real, too. As one husband said, "The results are very real. It doesn't stop after everyone reaches an orgasm. Her lover is still in the picture." So, folks, this is one you can't easily "take back". You can always stop, but you can't undo what you have done, or what you have said.
Men, I can only give you the one suggestion which I've told my wife from day one: she has absolute veto power over anything, at any time. She can get up and walk out of a restaurant, a hotel room, or a conversation; she can say she's finished seeing someone; she can say when something makes her uncomfortable; and in every case, I'll agree instantaneously. Once she understood that I really meant that, it gave her the freedom to test her own limits. She was afraid she'd "disappoint me," but I explained that it's not my fantasy if she's not enjoying it.
That’s how we did it, and how most other successful couples have accomplished it, and most of us enjoy the lifestyle to this day. Good luck!