Grow up and cut the strings

I get mail from other women asking for advice. Many of them say that they feel the same way I do, but can’t bring themselves to “do it”.

Some can’t talk to their husband about their desires.

Ladies, if you can’t talk openly and honestly with your husband then you have bigger problems to solve before you can think about trying this lifestyle. Work on your relationship. Get close. Become a true couple. Then write me back.

Others have talked about it with their husband but can't actually bring themselves to do it. Many of the husbands were the ones who brought up this lifestyle. That’s common because I think it usually is the husband who wants it and brings it up to us (hopefully they don’t get their head bit off for being honest about their feelings).
If you have talked about it with your husband and you both want to try it, then go for it. You’re an adult. Grow up. Don’t make more out of it than it is. It’s just sex. It’s the same thing you did when you were in college or dating. You meet people, find the right one and get laid. Don’t overcomplicate it.

I’ve heard all the excuses:

Too scared – My advice, just do it. The first time it feels strange but after you relax and enjoy yourself and have orgasms and see your husband’s reaction you will find that it really is fun. It gets easy after that.

Worried what your husband will think afterward – Trust me, he’ll adore you. He will fawn all over you and treat you like a queen. It’s easy to get spoiled!

Worried about what they will think of themselves – Not what you think. You won’t feel like a dirty whore. You’ll feel sexy, empowered, desired and elated. Your husband will reinforce all of that and more. Do it. You’ll see what I mean.

Worried someone will find out – My advice, don’t fuck anyone you know from work, or anyone in your circle of friends. Find someone you don’t cross paths with often or regularly, someone you don’t have friends in common with. Be discreet. Don’t go to restaurants, bars or hotels near where you live, or in your town if you live in a small town. Meet at each others home whenever possible. When in public with someone else don't do PDA. Chance encounters are always possible but you can do a lot to keep the chances low. Even if someone does see you with someone else, you can always explain it as a business function, family friend, etc.

Worried about “Fatal attractions” – It’s possible, but since you’re married it’s much less likely. The other guy knows you're married so he’s not likely to become a problem. If he does, you have a husband. Let him step in. He'll take care of it.

Worried about STD’s, pregnancy, etc. – Use your best judgment. If you’re going to be active in the lifestyle you may want to get your tubes tied. If that’s not an option you need to use contraceptive practices that suit you. Condoms, the pill, withdrawal, it all lowers the chances. Some women prefer married men, as they are usually safer. That is a personal decision.

Can’t find the right person – This is often a delaying tactic or a façade for another concern. It’s just sex. Many women look for sex partners using their old “dating checklist”. This is a mistake. You’re not looking for a future with someone. It doesn’t matter if he has a good job or a nice car. You’re not looking for a provider. You already have that in your husband. You’re looking for someone to fuck. So find someone who turns you on and forget about the rest of the checklist. You need someone who is attractive, interested in you and available. The rest doesn’t matter. You’re not lowering your standards, you’re changing them for a new goal.

How do you start? My advice is one of two ways; First, try the internet. There are hundreds of websites out there for meeting new people. Some are designed for the adult lifestyles, helping people just like Hotwives and single guys meet each other. Try it. It’s easy.

If that isn’t for you (and it’s not for everyone) then get yourself out there. Go to parties, bars, clubs. Dress sexy and go out to places where men are. Smile, have a drink, loosen up and be available. You will have better success meeting men if you’re alone, but you can do it with a friend or even your husband if you’re too nervous. Your husband can stay in the background, or he can actively help introduce you to other guys. It’s whatever makes you most comfortable (or the least uncomfortable).

Once you meet that first possible guy, don’t be timid. My advice is to get that “first time” out of the way. You will be much more confident once you’ve done it. Sure, you may be nervous. It may not be all you imagined because you will be unsure. But it’s important to go through with it that first time. Afterward you will feel different and the second time will be easier (and hotter!).

Everyone is nervous the first time they do something new. This is no different. But it’s only sex. It’s fun and natural and it feels good and it’s easy. The tough part is just deciding to do it!

So if you and your husband really want to try the lifestyle then you should put those fears aside and do it. I did. Thousands of other women did it too.

What are you waiting for?